Rocky Time Warp

Posted By Phil on June 27, 2009

There’s something about sitting at home on a Saturday night, exhausted after a fit of sneezes brought on by your friend’s cat who didn’t trigger the allergies during the day so much as gift you some dander onto your shirt, that really makes you want to get all introspective. There’s a good chance that that’s why I’ve spent the last three hours sneezing and I only just realized that it was likely my damn shirt giving me grief.

The other thought battling for attention, in addition to my sinuses, is the constant reminder that, no matter how much I like my humble little place, there’s this one tiny problem of it not having any insulation. Well, except for the windows, but considering I tend to leave them open to some degree at all times during the day, that’s doing fuck all¹ now, isn’t it? See, the problem with this house is that its wooden walls have this special property trapping the outside weather right inside. This means that if it’s 40 degrees outside, it’s a bone-chilling 50 degrees inside. (On a side note, people from colder climates have scoffed at me for this assessment, and to them I have only this to say: so you enjoy walking around your house in your underwear when it’s 48 degrees, do you? Yeah, didn’t think so.)

When the weather is warmer, say 100 degrees, my house becomes a little oven and sits all day at 90 degrees. Or 95. Or 100. It just depends how hot it is outside. Given my past history of heat rash, first to the point of being within about 20 hours of having actual heat stroke, and subsequently recurrent bouts of it that like to revisit me every summer, I’m not exactly amused by the warmth of my house.

There’s air conditioning, sure, but I’m sporting a medium-sized wall-mounted mother which sits in a corner of the living room and spouts air six feet up. It’s amazing, it really cools down that solid five square foot area. I might add that that area is home to one bookshelf and one rocking chair, and an occasional me sitting in said chair. It’s literally (and figuratively) the coolest spot in the house. And sure, the cool air kind of spreads to other parts of the house, but while that spot remains at 70 (that’s the coldest I can get it), there’s still a 5-10 degree variance everywhere else. Honestly, you wouldn’t think it would be so hard to cool off 550 whole square feet.

I’m thinking I’ll be going shopping to learn about some of my options, and maybe in the process I’ll even find something handy and energy-efficient, too. I just want to cool off, that’s all I want. Should you, dear reader, have any tips, ideas, or thoughts on how to chill out, do tell.

¹Please enjoy that clever little throwback to the genius that is Eddie Izzard.

Categories: warped, weather
Tags: a/c, heat, weather