While I was working on my next hiatus entry, wouldn’t you know it but something else happened yesterday that took immediate precedence over whatever it was that I had had in mind. Trust me, it’s for the best. Why, you ask? Simple. Because it involves the following elements all in a single story (though not in any particular order):
- A car
- Darwin’s Theory of Evolution
- Monumental stupidity
- Guilt
Prepare yourself, because here comes the story.
I was driving yesterday, along a dark road in the middle of nowhere. I was driving a mere 30mph, minding my own business. First off, I want it clear that I consider myself to be a decent driver. I’d say ‘good’, but I don’t know that that’s always the case. Plus, decent implies that I’m thoughtful and considerate of others on the road. This includes rabbits.
You read right. Little bunny rabbits. I’m as much a fan of them as anyone, and I’m right there with everyone else that they’re positively adorable, what with those big brown ears and fluffy white tails.
But the one I encountered yesterday, despite its cute appearance, was lacking a lot in intellect. Either that or it was just plain stubborn, which in this case I admit is a pretty stupid thing to be. Wouldn’t you know it, but the rabbit wanted to share my road exactly when I was driving along it. And he wanted to share the same exact piece of concrete too. So much so that he decided to hop right into the line of fire, perfectly in line with my right tires, leaving me with only two options:
- Continue driving at precisely the speed I was going and test the rabbit’s fate.
- Slam on my brakes and probably hit the wrectched creature anyway.
Given the lack of time I had to make this split-second decision, I opted for the former, feeling also that if I slammed on the brakes I might lose control of the car or something. No sense in us both losing our lives. Evidently, the rabbit’s time had come.
Unable to change the course of events, I continued to drive. As I heard the thunk of the rabbit under-wheel, a sinking feeling of guilt overcame me. I’m not sure why, but it just did, and there was nothing I could do about it. It very nearly ruined my evening.
Eventually, however, I came to my senses and realized that rabbits procreate incredibly fast, so the one bunny that became Road Kill a la Phil was not going to be cause for a drastic change in the bunny population. Plus, Darwin always recognized survival of the fittest, and clearly this rabbit was not with the times. Cars are a beast of the world, and smarter animals should know better than to jump right in front of them. So perhaps I did my part to keep that bunny from reproducing, and thereby creating more dumb rabbits.
In any case, it’s too late to change anything now. And I’m thanking my lucky stars that the damn rabbit wasn’t a deer.
{ 31 comments }
obviously, that poor bunny was unfit. Sad, but hardly your fault.
Sorry to hear about your experiences with the road rabbit. Sometimes these things happen, and we’re powerless over the outcome. I had to chuckle at your line about keeping the dumb rabbit from re-producing and making more dumb rabbits, that was pretty funny. And yeah be thankful it wasn’t a deer, those things can do serious damage to a car!!
Welcome back, Phil! Bummer about the bunny… when your time is up, it’s UP. It’s not your fault, but I empathize. That had to have sucked.
Roadkill
a la Phil
LOL
There are certain states in this country, where given the choice between hitting a resident or hitting rabbit, the rabbit would score higher on the Darwinian scale… it’s all perspective…
rofl i guess that makes me just a bitch for rolling over and crunching a great big old fat opossum last week. I couldn’t stop, I was going 55, and there was a car behind me, and three coming towards me in the opposite lane. I live in Michigan, the roads belong to animals as much as they do travelers. I didn’t even blink an eye, but I did say a short prayer for it’s fat little soul, and now desolate family (if it had one).
Later that afternoon when it was 90+ degrees and I had to travel the same road with my second tax deduction, I pointed to the animal now bloated and full of flies, I said to him. “see that?”
he said “ewwwwwwwwww yuck”.
I smiled stuck my thumb out and pointed it due west into my own face and smirked. “Yo momma did that boy!”
to which he replied…..”niiiiiiiiiiiice mom”
LOL…yeah, the fuzzy bunny is nothing compared to bambi hitting the windshield. Gald your back even if for just one post. Enjoy the summer.
There, there… Patting ya on the back. I did the same thing, but with a squirrel, the guilt oh the guilt. Made worse by the fact that I looked in my rearview mirror in time to see a spasming flop and twitch before it succumbed to Roadkill ala’ Charli.. (Sniff)
Be he live, or be he dead I’ll grind his bones to make my….OOPS, wrong story.
Hit a bunny with a girlfriend in the car. “Aw you hit the Easter Bunny,” she said. No damage to the car. No going over the cliff. All humans in car okay. No more girlfriend.
Forty years later a bumper high boulder hopped out in the middle of the road. Ran over it, too. Rock shattered, car’s internal organs shattered, only human (me) still okay. No girlfriend to object to the loss of the rock upon which was built the church established for the Easter Bunny.
awwwwwwwwwwwww poor tires on ur car!
This is hilarious
You, youuu….rabbit killer, you!!
I am TEASING! lol
Sucks to hit animals like that…..but I am happy it wasn’t a deer because they do LOTS of damage and it’s good to know you are okay. :-) I cringe and feel bad when I run over existing roadkill…sap that *I* am! lol
Just think – you created an easy meal for a stray cat!
I hit a kitten once – it darted out and with other traffic, I couldn’t do anything but just keep going straight. It ruined my day too. I think I even cried a little – but like you said with the rate they reproduce, everything will be ok. My grandmother always said “there wouldn’t be so many kittens and puppies in the world if they weren’t so cute when they’re little.”
Welcome back Phil. Don’t feel guilty, rabbits have never been famous for their brains, but they multiply real fast ( proving no brains are involved in the process), also its family won’t miss it, there will be no crying. It’s nice to have you back, even if you have changed into a bunny nightmare. Hugs.
You make some hawk or big bird awfully happy, though! LOL! Welcome back! :)
Done the very same thing… Mr. Missy informed me that obviously the bunny that met its fate under my wheels must have been suicidal, and really wasn’t I doing it a Kevorkian-esque favor?
It did not soothe me. Maybe it’ll help you more. ;)
Had a similar experience driving along one day up in the hills. Beautiful day. Driving along, minding my own business. In this case it was a suicidal squirrel. Now squirrels one of my favorite animals so you might be able to imagine my horror and sorrow. I cried for a week and can still see the Xs in its eyes. *sniff*
I would feel tremendous guilt as well, but as you said: you had to make a choice, and a quick one, too…and one that would end up with you being safe as safe can be.
I tried to swerve not to hit a squirrel and he ran in front of me once again..
He’s killed:( and I felt guilty:(
Well, Taht Did a LOT to improve the Over All Gene Pool for Bunnies!
I want Hasenfeffer!!!!!
Aww Phil, I know how you feel. On my way to Florida from Arkansas, I hit an armadillo in the panhandle of Florida. It hit with such a thud I thought I did damage to the underside of the car but I was going so fast, that to try to stop (it was late, dark and I was a woman on a mission…getting home) also would have probably killed me, my daughter in law and grandson…so the armadillo got it. I’ve never been involved with road kill before…(well there was this one time at band camp, oh wait, that’s not it…oh never mind) we were driving in Northern Illinois when something small hit our windshield and blood dripped down it but I since I wasn’t driving, it didn’t count. It seems we both experience our first road kill this summer. Just another thing we share!! LOL!
Oh well, guess it was his time, and we have the same problem here on the island…more rabbits then all the rest of population..oh yeah a few iguanas and lizards on the way too…but after reading Hyiidra’s comment…its only ROFL!!!!
Have a great summer, and enjoy!
Hahahahah – Road Kill a la Phil – Niiiice
Clearly you were in the right on that one. I do think you did the world a service in not allowing that bunny to make more than he/she already had. Keep enjoying your vacation.
So are you telling us the Rabbit died?! You know what THAT means!
I really want to be the last to comment…so hurry and post another blog!
Geeesh, even whilst carrying four rabbit’s feet with him…
Well, you increased the overall IQ of the local rabbit population. Darwin would be proud.
I hit a bird once, on my way to work, because it flew out in front of my car, and I cried for the rest of my 30 minute drive.
never killed anything myself. thought about it but the ex just wouldnt stay in front of the car.
I had exactly this same encounter with a squirrel this summer. Committed suicide. Ran right for my wheel. Someone told me squirrel is tasty, if you get them off the road soon enough. lol
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